McConnell Humiliation

The headline at the top of the Scotland on Sunday yesterday read "McConnell to face humiliation...".

Fantastic, I have images of the cabinet stripping him as he finishes work on friday afternoon, dressing him in a sequined mini skirt, boob tube, curly wig and fishnets before tying him to a shopping trolley and parading round the edinburgh pubs. Bouncers would react with "You're not bringin that fucker in here" and patron's of pavement drinking locations would pour beer in his lap, have a quick grope and place big lipstick kisses on his cheeks. Humiliated to be sure.

But no.

Jacks humiliation is to be asked a few difficult questions by a bunch of suits.

I guess there are different levels of humiliation.

Oh well.

The new calendar

It came to my attention this week that we are all creatures of habit. especially when it comes to drinking. We tend to adjust our tipple by the season. that's why I propose, under crags' independent scotland (CIR) to dispense with the Julian calendar - named after some fucker from rome who tried to invade our country and also liked to eat a lot of salads - and replace it with beer. Got me? yep, ok, so here's the plan:

Jan - Caledonian 80/- (deep in the throes of winter, but light enought to keep you going post christmas)
Feb - Fraoch (the beer of love)
Mar - Golden Promise
Apr - Hoegaarden (the easy way to kill brain cells)
May - Deuchars IPA
Jun - Strongbow (not strictly a beer, but june's not strictly a month, more a beer garden)
Jul - Stella (well it's gonna be a crazy mental month)
Aug - Raven Ale
Sep - Becks (a light fuck-me-up before the descent into winter)
Oct - Orkney Skullsplitter
Nov - Guinness
Dec - Special Brew

So today is the 7th of Deuchars
I must now set about convincing the world that beer is best.
Happy days